Life on the Home Front (the dog is the enemy)

My dog is evil. He is waiting to do it. He will destroy something I love. He will do it tomorrow.

I know that this will happen because he has been good today. I couldn't find any holes. I couldn't find any destroyed camellias. I couldn't find any ripped thongs.

All I found was our little black dog. In the garden. Resting. From what?

The photo (above) is of our evil dog Kody. I chose not to use a good photograph of him because I believe that the amorphous lump-thing with eyes is a more accurate representation of his true nature. He likes to eat the things you want him to eat when you are around. He prefers to eat the plant that you and your spouse talked about on the weekend because you were 'so happy with its progress'.

He is also discreetly trying to ease the drought situation in our area by digging a well. What a considerate bloody dog.

I have decided that his name (not given to him by us, but by his previous neighbours (another story for another time)) is an acronym for the function bestowed upon him by the Apocalypse Future Destroyers.

K.O.D.Y. is simply 'Kill Or Destroy You'.

We have logged onto forums and websites, prayed to the Dawg Almighty, and cried tears of horror-gilt frustration.

We gave this up today. We decided we would be nice to him no matter what.

Hence he is waiting. Waiting for the ultimate time to aerate the soil. Waiting for us to forget his intentions. Waiting until he can destroy the universe in a few simple chews and a bit of a dig.

Waiting until he can abstain from licking his wang for at least five minutes...

*Endnote - we are getting him fixed tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!