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I know I know, I couldn't help myself. Sometimes it is necessary to show the world, or in my case one or two people, that there is some stuff out there that will improve your mood in a jiffy.
Cyanide and Happiness cartoons have been around for quite a while now - since early 2005 I believe, touche! They belong to a website called Explosm.net which has a whole lot of other stuff. I only really care about the cartoons most of the time, but sometimes have a look around. The problem is the flashing ads on the side draw attention at work. Big tits in tight shirts don't help either.
Below is a small selection of cartoons that I like. They have a lot of other cartoons that make me wet myself but I won't put them on my blog because I might offend someone.
They are good because they are immature and usually pointless. A bit like me. Fart.
What can I say? I did something just as annoying to my mate's sister's car once with a permanent marker. No, I didn't scribble all over it, I gave it little labels like 'exhaust pipe', 'rear view mirror' and 'window'.
I had genitals, ahem, a mobile phone once. Actually I think I am up to about my tenth phone. When you lose one you do feel like you lost something important.
Look, I just dislike the whole thing of 'hey I am hot because this morning I waxed my head with some greasy oil, put on a tonne of cheap aftershave and my gold necklace, went to the gym, pumped some iron in front of the mirror 'cos I wanna have sex with my guns, went home, had a shower, waxed my head with some greasy oil, put on a tonne of cheap aftershave and my gold necklace and went out to drive around and look like a dickhead in my WRX.' Get over it! Your penis is small, and won't work because you are on steroids.
Sometimes I am just an arse. These blokes let outsiders redo the comics that they posted, sometimes with fantastic results. I didn't post the originals because, as I said, I am an arse.
This reminds me of the time I decided I wanted to taste gelatine. It makes yummy jelly, so why wouldn't a tablespoon of gelatine taste good? It quick-set to the roof of my mouth and I think I panicked for at least two hours.
Nothing like a God joke. Especially when God swears. He said 'FUCK'! Gee, what do the creationists think of that, a swear word that he must have invented? Surely it wouldn't have evolved from something like 'fichen' or 'Fornication Under Consent of the King'...
Did I mention creationists?
Punch in the bum. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Funny guys, really...
The thing that surprises me about these bloke's comics is the fact that sometimes they can be stirringly beautiful. I should have dressed up as caterpillars more, and as a tadpole less often.
I used to break it down in the night clubs around town. I was hot and I smelt like a perfume factory in France, or should I say Singapore where the cheap shit is made.
I think this is more of a reference to my future than anything.
Pretty much my favourite. I used to smoke a pipe and wander around in my dressing gown and act like an asshole as well. Words like 'touche' were a part of my repertoire. Words like repertoire were part of my repertoire.
Need I say more? Harry Potter really does have a chamber of secrets.
I like the obvious. I like it when people ask rhetorical questions without expecting obvious and smart arse answers. For example my lovely wife might ask 'why is this empty beer here?' and I might reply 'because I willed it to be there', or 'are these clothes dirty?' to which I reply 'only as dirty as you want them to be hotpants' to which she replies '...fine'.
I am sure some people understand it, and I am sure there are many others that don't understand it and pretend to anyway. I am sure that most of the people think I am a bit crazy - a bit on the weird side. I am absolutely certain that people think I am completely mad when I run around the office waving a sheet of photocopied paper shouting 'look! It is my child! See, see, here is its nose, you can make out an eye and there is its head! Look at the little hand that it is holding to its mouth! It is sooooooo cute!'
Some people understand my enthusiasm and greet it with a wisened (they already have kids) 'let me see...oh, isn't it fantastic! is it a boy or a girl?' followed by a disappointed 'Oh, you aren't finding out are you".
Some people just hover nearby listening in, like I would, because they really couldn't be bothered pretending to care what is going on because it is Thursday morning and work sucks.
Most greet it with a smile that says 'damn, I should have gone to the toilet just then, rather than look at that next email'. They then look at the picture as I wildly point out the features and make random and quite pointless statements like 'it was like it was waving at us' and 'when we first saw it it was drinking the amniotic fluid and I said to the ultrasound lady that the baby is taking after her father and it was really funny and, yeah...'
There are a few people in this world that seem to be very wise and very full of it. Advice that is. Not shit. They like to say things like 'wait until it is two and it throws the first tantrum' and 'enjoy it now while it is quiet, you have eighteen years of hell coming up'. Thanks. Watch me throw a tantrum if you don't shut up.
My wife likes to look, ahem, we like to look at a number of websites, however one seems to grab my attention the most. It is probably because of its straight up web address www.i-am-pregnant.com. It has a week by week section which is apparently useful if you know what week it is. I don't know what month it is, let alone week, but I do know that this week has some of the funniest footage ever. The little ultrasound of the baby is what I am looking at. What is it doing? Am I besotted and all clucky or what? If I were these parents I would put up extra high fences around the house. I would also invest in a heap of velcro. Chandeliers are out of the question.
Our little one doesn't seem to be as active, but I don't care because I really hate to run after things. Besides a lazy baby is a healthy baby.
Ours is already full of character. I know because it waved at me with one hand and gave me the finger with the other.
Jum
I decided that I needed something funny after my last post, and rather than go and cook pasta and meatballs like I really should, I went on the hunt. Well, trust some Euro bloke to make a baby laugh with a funny noise....
I continued on and found another vid. If I was the parent of this I would be proud. It is cute, furry, and clearly a barrel of laughs. Quite frankly I would like two proud toes like this thing, maybe this is where the surname 'Proudfoot' comes from.
Rather than go on I will leave it at that. Perhaps I should read some one else's blog.
Cheerio
Jum
