New Zealand: Phase Three - Dunedin to Te Anau

After a quick brekkie and a shower we headed off to Larnach Castle, we stopped briefly on the way and I took a snap of something that was so irresistibly English. I was looking around for a bloke in a tweed suite, a pipe and a shepherds hook. I could hear the words 'touche' and 'old chap' floating around my head as I scrambled over the road cutting with my camera.

The problem with New Zealand is the fact that every corner you turn you want to jump out with the camera and click away like an A.D.D. kid from the Ritalin generation.
We drove onto the castle up on the headland, and yes it did feel like we were stepping back in time. I wished I had brought those coconuts so I could clip-clop my way up to the castle. Having said that I would need some shiny armour and a sword. And a helmet.

The castle was more magnificent than I had expected, although it is less of a castle and more of a bloody big house. It probably shies in size compared to some of the McMansions in any new Australian subdivision, except this one was big for a reason (the bloke that made it had money, not credit), and it was tastefully decorated.

There were a number of things that impressed me with Larnach Castle, most of all was the fact that it felt like a castle. Once we were inside and away from the tourists we felt like we were in something old, even down to that strange creepy feeling old places give you. Another thing I was impressed with was the dungeon. Yes, a dungeon. Naughty Mr. Larnach.

The castle also had a methane collecting system. Human and animal poo was collected, and somehow the methane was captured - I think by lots of slaves with McDonalds straws, and somehow it was piped to a domed repository, and then piped out by foot pump throughout the house where the gas was used to light the chandeliers. I can imagine the dinner conversation: "Lady Heavemud, how could you, you filthy whore!"
"Please, I beg your pardon, 't wasn't me Your Bitchiness Madam Fontlebottom, the chandelier went out!" To which Lord Mountsheep would lift his right buttock and exclaim "Light that one up my ladies!"
Laughter would peel through the hills.
Life must have been hilarious back in those days, I wish I was there to partake. Touche.

Sadly we had to move on from the castle because the bus was coming. Besides that I was having too much fun with my new friends, so without much adieu and some tear ridden farewells on their part and calls of "fare thee well Baron jum Slurryfoot!" we made our way back to Dunedin. The Cadbury Chocolate Factory awaited.

After parking at the big fat Dunedin Gothic train station (which was mightily impressive) we wandered the long way around to the factory entrance. Once we were inside I instantly felt a flash back of the nausea and headache I gave myself as a kid when I at too much chocolate. Everything was purple, wavy, slopey, twirly, chocolatey and sweet smelling. We were like big kids in a silly world. We took the tour and got to see the world's biggest chocolate waterfall! Even I, 'Mr. Notchocolate', got excited. One tonne of chocolate was poured through this thing, 3 storeys of chocolate pouring in a big fat stream of chocolate. I wanted to dive in and swim! I resisted the urge and moseyed back down to THE CHOCOLATE SHOP!

Once we made our purchases we made a quick stop at the information place to get some information. Funny that.
We drove on towards Te Anau and passed through some underwhelming towns, however the beauty of their surrounds was luxurious. The green hills were velvety and rolling and the high, jagged peaks were beginning to break up the horizon. Upon arrival at Te Anau we were instantly impressed by the dramatic surrounds. They were more dramatic than ten episodes of Neighbours. They weren't selling beer because it was Good Friday. How can it be good if they don't sell beer? Good thing I bought enough good beer the other day. Good thing I also had some yummy ginantonic to help me along as well. In some ways I think NZ lives a few decades behind the rest of the world, and this is a good example. The other thing is, and we noticed it at a rest stop at lunch, is that they put their play grounds in the water. This is a silly practice because everyone knows that playgrounds should be put on uncompromisingly hard ground to teach kids lessons about gravity. After a brief and uneventful wander through Te Anau, we drove off to find our campsite. We pulled up at Henry Creek and I put off paying the DOC fee till the morning (same as our National Parks people) because the bus was coming.

We found our spot and wandered out to admire the sheer beauty of lake TeAnau, literally at our feet. Even if we had to go home the next day we would have been satisfied.

New Zealand: Phase Two - The Road to Dunedin

After a very nice sleep we awoke to another dandy morning, the sun was shining and everything was bright and happy. After a little muck around on the internet we ran off to board our little spaceship and hit the road. Gently.

Our Spaceship, like all Spaceships, was orange on the outside and very comfortable. It was called GPS and over the time that we were there I became quite attached to the little guy. We plugged in our little mate the Kruse, basically a tour guide that works off GPS and tells you stuff. It was very handy. Mr. Kruse says Maori funny - have a listen on the 'Experience Kruse' tab. We stopped in at Ashburton and I caught a fish just with my finger.
The terrain around the area was quite different to what I grew up with. The Canterbury plains are just that - plain. They are very flat with pointy mountains off to the east. The paddocks are separated by immense hedges made from eucalypts and pines, most of them were at least 15 metres tall. This was good to stop the wind on the paddocks, but every time you drive past one of these mammoth wind breaks your car gets blown sideways. They need some big road fans. Or lots of little fans. But then they would have to have a Minister for Road Fans and that would probably cause conflict with the Minister for Tall Hedges and the Minister for Sheep Buffeting over Industrial Deafness and Ovine Productivity.
We stopped at Timaru for lunch, and I had a serve of NZ mussels and half a club sandwich and Stacey had half a club sandwich. This is where I first caught sight of the '3 litre beer tower'. Basically the intention is for you and your mates to hire one ($22), get it filled with beer, and sit it at your table. It has its own tap and everything. I promised then and there that I would have one to myself before I died. Even if it killed me. Even if my wife killed me for being a tool.

On to Oamaru to have a look at a funny little area near the docks. Previously this area was the pits, as most dock areas usually are (Port Adelaide), hovever this was a pit with a difference. The Buildings were all made with limestone from the area, which is very easy to work with, so those people that had lots of money built some very ornate structures, but because they were near the dock their future wasn't very bright from the outset. Nowadays the area is coming along quite nicely. At least a decade ago some hippie, arty types moved in, and this influx of hairy armpits and BO always attracts alternative cafe types that have money. The area is coming along; whiskey is brewed there, people wander around looking cosmopolitan, and there is that sense of the old being loved and repaired. I will stop writing for a bit and let you peruse the gallery. Do you like that word 'peruse', it is up there with 'ponder'.
The Criterion Hotel. Note the red car on the left and the semi-hippies out the front.

This is a lane way near the dock, and it is quite close to the the hotel. I could almost imagine the activity that went on there; men wearing brown clothes and moustaches rolling barrels and shunting trains during the day, and pimps and hoes wandering the alleys at night. Yo.

Underneath the wooden boards on the ground are train tracks, probably for some sort of train that went from one end of the alley to the other. The white van is trying to be one of those trains. Choo choo choo, wooowooo!

Did I ever mention how much I hate white vans? They are up there with the Mitsubishi Nimbus and the Nissan Prarie for annoyingness.









Here is a good example of how not to advertise. First of all, don't call whatever it is 'emulsion' and second of all don't claim it as your own. Keep your emulsion to yourself you filthy bum.









After Oamaru we went on towards Dunedin. Along the way we stopped at a place that is famous for its round rocks, and it didn't take me long to see why. After this we we stopped by Shag Point for a, ahem, look around and we spotted some silly seals. We took a few pics, but by this stage we were pretty shagged and wanted to press on to Dunedin.

Upon arrival at Dunedin we embarked on our first New Zealand shopping experience, on Good Friday Eve, in the cheapest place in Dunedin - Pak n' Save. It was mildly busy. Ha! That's an understatement. It was friggin ludicrous. At one stage I had to go against the general flow and was hit by so many trolleys that I was in fear of never fathering another child, it was like the running of the bulls but worse.
We did escape the carnage - the queue was as long as the supermarket and about as fun as applying Lane's Emulsion but we got there in the end.

This was the first exciting night in little GPS and it was fun.