Cyanide and Happiness

I know I know, I couldn't help myself. Sometimes it is necessary to show the world, or in my case one or two people, that there is some stuff out there that will improve your mood in a jiffy.

Cyanide and Happiness cartoons have been around for quite a while now - since early 2005 I believe, touche! They belong to a website called Explosm.net which has a whole lot of other stuff. I only really care about the cartoons most of the time, but sometimes have a look around. The problem is the flashing ads on the side draw attention at work. Big tits in tight shirts don't help either.

Below is a small selection of cartoons that I like. They have a lot of other cartoons that make me wet myself but I won't put them on my blog because I might offend someone.

They are good because they are immature and usually pointless. A bit like me. Fart.



What can I say? I did something just as annoying to my mate's sister's car once with a permanent marker. No, I didn't scribble all over it, I gave it little labels like 'exhaust pipe', 'rear view mirror' and 'window'.



I had genitals, ahem, a mobile phone once. Actually I think I am up to about my tenth phone. When you lose one you do feel like you lost something important.



Look, I just dislike the whole thing of 'hey I am hot because this morning I waxed my head with some greasy oil, put on a tonne of cheap aftershave and my gold necklace, went to the gym, pumped some iron in front of the mirror 'cos I wanna have sex with my guns, went home, had a shower, waxed my head with some greasy oil, put on a tonne of cheap aftershave and my gold necklace and went out to drive around and look like a dickhead in my WRX.' Get over it! Your penis is small, and won't work because you are on steroids.



Sometimes I am just an arse. These blokes let outsiders redo the comics that they posted, sometimes with fantastic results. I didn't post the originals because, as I said, I am an arse.



This reminds me of the time I decided I wanted to taste gelatine. It makes yummy jelly, so why wouldn't a tablespoon of gelatine taste good? It quick-set to the roof of my mouth and I think I panicked for at least two hours.



Nothing like a God joke. Especially when God swears. He said 'FUCK'! Gee, what do the creationists think of that, a swear word that he must have invented? Surely it wouldn't have evolved from something like 'fichen' or 'Fornication Under Consent of the King'...



Did I mention creationists?



Punch in the bum. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Funny guys, really...



The thing that surprises me about these bloke's comics is the fact that sometimes they can be stirringly beautiful. I should have dressed up as caterpillars more, and as a tadpole less often.



I used to break it down in the night clubs around town. I was hot and I smelt like a perfume factory in France, or should I say Singapore where the cheap shit is made.



I think this is more of a reference to my future than anything.



Pretty much my favourite. I used to smoke a pipe and wander around in my dressing gown and act like an asshole as well. Words like 'touche' were a part of my repertoire. Words like repertoire were part of my repertoire.



Need I say more? Harry Potter really does have a chamber of secrets.



I like the obvious. I like it when people ask rhetorical questions without expecting obvious and smart arse answers. For example my lovely wife might ask 'why is this empty beer here?' and I might reply 'because I willed it to be there', or 'are these clothes dirty?' to which I reply 'only as dirty as you want them to be hotpants' to which she replies '...fine'.