Budget Budget Budget Budget Budget Budget Budgie Budgie Budgie SMUGGLERS!

Once upon a time, in the land of the Post Pubescens, a man called Jummifera swore that he would never become a Servent of the Pubelist, and nor would he care for the Budgetus. Jummifera would become a purveyor of magnificent smuggled goods, living a Bohemian life playing the five-string, pulsing, 'Lady Trembler' in a band of magnanimous fame. Consuming caffeinated beverages in the morning, and fine ales from noon would be his daily routine.

As much as Jummifera knew about the world - and he knew everything - he didn't know about himself. Nor did he know about Wisdom and the Rose that hath a Wyrm. The Wyrm of Growing Uppeth.

DAMMIT!

I grew up.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck - I have now sat and watched TWO budgets in a row (the passing of years has become like the passing of days). Sadly I am going to sit and watch the budget reply. FOR THE SECOND TIME TOMORROW!

I can't believe I care!?

I remember sitting in a hazey blur a number of years ago, casting soap box comments on all politicians:

Me: They're just a pack of fags

Mate: It's not a fucking microphone, pass it over

Me: I mean, where do they get off? Determining what I pay for a pack of smokes, and for a longie of VB isn't fucking right.

- pause -

Me again: and they wear suits all the time... what's with that? You don't need a suit to be respectable. I know I'm a good person, right? I don't need neat hair to be taken seriously. Just 'cos I have an undercut, and black and blue colours in my hair doesn't mean I can't be a good person. Right?

Mate: I said... it isn't a FUCKING MICROPHONE PASS IT OVER!!!

Me: Oh, ok, sorry dude (passing the microphone over) what is it then?

Mate: It's a portal for our minds and souls to travel through this ridiculous material existence and into the panties of many hot chicks.

Me: Oh, I see... so it goes with my five-string, pulsing 'Lady Trembler' then. Cool. By the way, I dropped the portal in the ashtray earlier.

Mate: (Sniffing portal) You truly are a goose (gags)

Anyway, I have come to the realisation that I have now been in the Public Service for almost five years, have no intention of leaving, am the father of two children, am married, own a house, drive a car, kick a dog, attend church never and care about the budget. And interest rates, and tax, and the mortgage, and ironing my shirt and pants, and gardening.

Did I mention that I like gardening? No? Well, I am like a 32 year old Peter Cundall. Bloodey hell it is sad. I am going to plant leeks this weekend.

My bladder will also probably also start to leak this weekend.